Surround yourself with good company
The first of extended discussions around topics in my book.
One of the truths about writing a book to help people is that even you yourself don’t follow your advice all the time. In some small or significant way, you are writing it to remind yourself what you’ve learned and what kind of person you aspire to be.
With the book out for a while now, I want to expand on some of these topics, sharing how I have (or haven’t) applied my lessons to my own life, and being honest about the challenges, or why I haven’t followed through to the extent I want to.
While the book is intended to be short-form and easily digestible, specific examples may be helpful and the message may reach new folks.
In the book, I talk about how surrounding yourself with the right people is something that can make your life a lot easier (and more pleasant). It sounds simple, but many of us hold on to folks from different points in our life, even when we’ve drifted apart radically, or no longer share the same vision.
It’s often a friend from childhood or a different era of our lives, and it can feel wrong to “cut” ties with someone who you’ve known for so long. Because perhaps that person has really been there for you in some special way.
But hanging on to these ties too tightly may not serve you, especially if you are relying on these connections to uplift you and support you on what’s currently meaningful to you.
A friend once told me that they didn’t need any new friends. While this could have been a passing moment when their social calendar felt overwhelming, I still felt an immediate repulsion. That attitude was no good for me.
I like holding space for new friends because I know that I’m changing and may want to adjust who I spend time with to suit my needs (and hopefully benefit the other people as well). Plus, there’s that “found a new friend” feeling that I never want to completely lose. From time to time, I may need new friends because I’ve moved, entered a new life stage, or am pursuing new interests.
That being said, I have certain qualities in mind so that these relationships are uplifting and don’t drag me down. I want to be around people that are more optimistic than not. People that will be supportive of my success. And people whose own way of living inspires me to keep learning and become a better person. You can have your own set of criteria for what serves you best.
Since moving to Los Angeles three years ago, I feel like I’ve done an admirable job of surrounding myself with great influences. I started a softball team because it made the kid in me happy. In the process, I met some really fine folks. Later, I ended up later joining a more competitive league that not only had people that love to play, but whose careers lean creative. That’s been so inspiring to me!
I’m still trying to build social roots and plan on creating a monthly event to find more of my people. I know it’s all about the effort I put in, and that the best relationships will never be properly nurtured through digital communications. It requires that in-person magic.
My intent for starting the book with a chapter about surrounding yourself with good company was because I know it’s an important foundation. In an age where more people are reporting loneliness and taking desperate measures of befriending AI chatbots, I want more people to get comfortable taking the little steps that build community. Even if you consider yourself an introvert, it’s not impossible. Humans have done it from the dawn of time.
Be Your Biggest Inspiration is my book about betting on yourself. Inside you’ll find bite-sized lessons on creativity and life.